Never Bite off more than you can chew
by Ecliptic Nightmares
Summary: Dare flick. This is what happened when one is dared to write a story involving Wakka, Auron, A feather duster and butter....Only insanity can ensue.....


**EN:** I was challenged by one of my best friends, Goodwitch08, to write a fanfiction involving Auron, Wakka, Butter and a feather duster. Oh...how a mind can wander...laughs evilly Constantina, Raine, take over..

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**Tina:** I stand for love i stand for justice...does a sailor moon pose

**Raine:** Shut up, you annoy me

**Tina:** meanie...

Raine rolls her eyes we are ecliptic nightmare's muses, so there for she is insane, for we talk to her...

**EN:** I'M NOT INSANE!

**Raine:** yes you are

**EN:** NO I'M NOT

**Raine:** yes you are

**Tina:** while they argue over the sanity of EN, I'll do the disclaimer. If EN owed Final Fantay X, Tidus, Wakka, Auron and even Seymour would all be shirless,...drools shirtlesss...

**EN:** NO I 'M NOT!

**Raine:** YES YOU ARE!

**Tina **rolls her eyes.: Without further ado, here is the story...Of Blitzballs and Butter

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With clitched teeth, Wakka strutted thew the confines of Fahrenheit, the Albhed flying airship. His head was held of high, emarld eyes staring completly ahead, and mind sliently cursing Auron. People snickered behind him as he gave them all scarily bright and equally sarcastic smiles.

"Say it, Wakka." Auron said mockingly, walking behind him. He was enjoying every minute of it. Behind dark sunglasses and a tall collar he was smirking brightly. You could almost hear the humor laced in his carefully choosen words.

"No." Wakka's accent wasn't there, just a firm clenthed reply.

"You have to. It's part of the deal."

"You love tormenting me."

"Make better decisions, next time,."

"You are so damn cocky,ya." Wakka mumbled with folding his arms.

"Oh and don't forget your feather duster." Auron held up a pink feather duster, waving it in the air nonchantly , for Wakka to reach up and snatch it, causing Auron to chuckle lightly. Wakka began to growl, but that just could not be helped.

"What if Lulu, or even YUNA sees me like this, ya?!" Wakka began to wine and pout. Maybe if he begged (yes was at finally at the point of wining), Auron would show pity, but was that even possible?

"That's not my problem.You should learn you can't beat me at a game, espically not blitzball."

"How was i suppose to know you could play?!"

"A true warrior knows all techiniques of fighting, or in this case blitzing. And no, there is no way that you can weasel out of this"

Because of Wakka's punishment, he landed himself in one of the briefing rooms of the ship this time, exactly were the rest of the gang was. Lulu was telling them the plans for the up comming battle, when low and behold Wakka stepped in.

"Sir...Wakka. uumm...i" Yuna gasped and turned her face away, blushing.

"Sporting a new look huh, Wakka" Rikku rolled out of her chair laughing , even when she hit her head on the wooden table she was still laughing.

"Not, you too, Rikku, ya..." Wakka hung his head lowly.

"Wakka, i didn't know you were like that... it's certanly a change from blitzballs...you are even whereing panyhose!" Tidus bursted out loudly.

"Let the whole ship now why are you at it, ya..." Wakka mumbled while giving a long sigh.

"To each his own, but Wakka, a french maid outfit? Are there things that we don't know about you, that you would like to get into the open" Lulu snickered,

"Kimarhi thinks this is wrong. So very wrong. Wakka should stay Wakka." Kimarhi supplied his chopped sentenced replies as he shook his head and stared out of the window.

"That's not the half of it. Sing Wakka." Auron commanded in an ever calm voice.

"No..ya" Wakka folded his arms, and tapped his foot.

"The deal..."

This caused everyone to look up in shock. First of all, one of the most manly guardians of Lady yuna was standing in the door way, in a french maid outfit and a pink feather duster clutched to the point of almost breaking in his hands. This also intrigued everyone, even the usual nonchant Kimarhi, who just raised an eyebrow. Wakka then came completly in the door way, after giving a sigh and began to sing.

"You make me wanna lala

In the kitchen on the floor

I'll be your french maid

When I'll meet you at the door

I'm like an alley cat

Drink the milk up I want more

You make me wanna

You make me wanna scream"

After that embarrasing remdition of Lala, Wakka took up his front paw,( his hands where coverd in flurry paw shaped gloves) and started to lick them in a feline fashion.

"OoOoOo" squealed Rikku, breaking the moments of silence. "I love that song!"

Kimarhi just blinked before smiling and going back to his window watching. Lulu was in complete shock and coughed muliple times. Yuna stared there gawking, knowing it was rude to blankly stare but she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

"AND HE'S WEARING A TAIL, A BLACK ONE WITH A WHITE TIP! LOOK AT THE CUTE CAT EARS!" Tidus said, laughing on his sides, his face cherry red. This made Wakka blush a new shade of red as he smooth his hair behind his ear. To make matters even worst, he couldn't even gell up his hair, causing it to fall in loose curls down his head.

"IS THAT A COLLAR! I WONDER WHAT IT SAIDS!" Rikku jumped up and tried to read the instricption on the silver dog tags that was placed on a think black velet collar but she couldn't read it. "It's some alien code or something..."

"Wakka" Lulu sninkered " We are here for you, for what ever path you may choose" Wakka glared at her, causing Lulu to burst out laughing, completly losing her composure.

"And the nose! it's so adorable, pink and tiny and cute. Someone did a good job drawing the whiskers." Yuna pointed out, getting a "NOT YOU TOO..." hopeless and pathic glance from Wakka. "Sorry, Sir Wakka" Yuna laughed lightly. Wakka resist every urge to either A) run out of the room, B) throwing Auron off of the airship and hearing a satifed smack on the ground or C)running out of the room. Wakka gave auron a pleading "can't-we-go-now" look. Auron gave a smirk and headed out first, Wakka tagged behind, once the doors were closed, they could hear the complete laughter from everyone.

"It's not over yet."

"Must you remind me, ya?"

"Well that was the last room, except for the kitchen..."

"The kitchen..ya.?"

"You will see.."

"And this is all because you beat me in a game of blitzball..."

Auron and Wakka headed off to the empty but spacious kitchen. Auron sat down in one of the chairs by the exiting door

"All maids, no matter what race, gender style or flair, can cook."

"Ya? so what are you gettin at?"

"Cook and or bake me something."

"What! you want ME to cook, I DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT COOKING.!" Wakka took his feather duster and slammed it on the smooth pale yellow counter, dog tags clinking annoying.

"Part of the deal..." Auron taunted as he smirked and sat back in his chair.

Wakka growled in slight frustation and stopped and thought. 'Two can play this game...' Wakka thought as he smirked slightly delivishly.

'What is he thinking.' Auron lost his signtature smirk and looked at Wakka with a raised eyebrow. Wakka fished for a cookbook threw draws and finally found one in a cabinet. He had to reach up high to get it, causing Auron to glance at his well toned legs. When Wakka saw this he winked coyly, tugging at the hem of the black dress to come down. He began to flip threw the pages, looking for the eaisest recipe possible, licking his finger slowly, while turning each page.

"Aha! this is easy, ya. Butter Spritz Cookies, doesn't that sound...yummy..ya?"

Auron cleared his throat. "Yes it does." He began to squirm in his seat

'Operation, make him uncomtable has just began... oh pay back really is a bitch...' Wakka thought as he grabbed some eggs and butter out of the fridge, bending over so that auron had a clear view of his hello kitty boxers...that was another part of the deal. Auron coughed heavly as he watched Wakka stood upright.

"You should get that coughing checked on Auron, really you should. It could endanger your health too much."

"I'm not sick..."

"Ok..." Wakka shrugged. "Next i need...four and sugar...now..where is that pantry...ya." Wakka looked around with false innocentance and reached over auron to the cabinet that was right above his head, causing Auron to get a nice view of a piece of his chest.

"There we go, flour, sugar and vallina extract."

"You should say exscuse you, that's polite."

"I'm sorry, exscuse me, ya. "

Wakka gathered up his indrediants and a few bowls and untils. He opened up the butter and placed a finger on it taking a large creamy yellow dollup.

"I love butter, it's like liquid yellow crack, ya."

"Magrine is better, and healthier for you too."

"Don't be like that, butter is better..." Wakka went over and sat on auron's lap, causing auron to groan and...was it possible, could it be, could the almighty, ledugary, swordmen samaurai...be...BLUSHING?! Wakka placed some in auron's partly open mouth.

"Plain butter is nasty,"

"Don't waste it, wasting is a sin."

Auron tasted the butter and well ate it...while Wakka smirked devishly, eating the rest. 'I hope to Yevon, no one comes in and sees this, espically not Lulu...'

'OK WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!' Auron thought as he watched Wakka mix the indrediants.He made little balls and put them on cookie sheet and placed the cookies in the oven.

Wakka sat on Auron's lap again.

"I'm not a chair, isn't there any other place to sit?"

Wakka looked around, it was true, there was only one chair and auron's tush was currently taking it up.

"Nope, only you, ya."

Auron rolled his eyes and said nothing else.

"We've got time, what's your opinion on love, auron?"

"What kind of question is that..."

"Answer the question ,ya."

"No."

"Why not, scared..."

"I'm not scared of anything. "He gave a long sigh of impatientance.

"You are the one who wanted something to eat, so be patient. What do you think...about...rikku?" Wakka raised an eyebrow and looked to him for an answer.

"She's annoying..."

"Andd...?"

"And what?!"

"You like her..."

"What! i do not."

"Defensive."

"I am not." Auron swifted in his collar to hide his blush. He didn't like her, right?

"They say Denial is the first step in going crazy..."

"Whatever."

"What did the collar say? Rikku couldn't read it..."

"Well it said something." Wakka placed his head on Auron's chest

"I know that. such an enigma, ya." Wakka shook his head as the bell dinged for the cookies.

'Thank yevon, even if i don't believe in that fool.' Auron silently thanked as wakka sasaded over to the oven and pulled the cookies out.

After Wakka pulled out the cookies he picked one of them up.

"Hot...steamy...delious..."

"I hope you mean the cookies."

"Of course what ELSE would i be talking about."

Auron kept silent as wakka walked back to him.

"Here try it, it's very good, ya." Wakka stuffed a cookie in his mouth.

"It is good...ya..."

"Told you."

"Now who's cocky."

"Still you, say auron why did you make me wear this french maid's outfit? If you had lost all i was going to do was make you do the funky chicken dance."

"Well, Wakka." Auron played with his dogtags "Some things just can't be answered..."

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**Raine:** IS TO!

**EN:** IS NOT!

**RAINE:** TOO!

**EN:**NOT!

**Tina:** i hope you enjoyed our little bit of insanty...YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF

EN and Raine mumbles: SHE STARTED IT!

Tina shakes her head: see you all soon, REVIEW, FOR IT IS THE COOKIES THAT FEED HER INNER EGO!

**Raine:** FLAMES SHALL GO TO HELPING TO BURN DOWN EN'S SCHOOL! FOR IT IS EVIL!


End file.
